November 2011
7 posts
When I smile, I feel plastic. When I laugh, it...
Sometimes it feels like something is boiling up from inside me. It’s a monster, making my arms and legs shake. It wants to come out, it wants me to open my mouth and scream. My arms shake because I’m trying to hold it in. It wants me to pick up anything—everything—and hurl it across the room, ruin it, rip it to pieces. It wants me to pull my hair out, dig my fingernails...
I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom how I’ve been feeling about everything. She assured me that I would get taken to the doctor. She said that there’s medication that I can take for help, there are therapists I can talk to.
I refuse to believe that it is even possible to make this feeling disappear. Pills and people are not going to help. There isn’t a way they can...
1 tag
November 27, 2011
I wonder if things would have been better if I was someone else.
I really don’t want to go to school on Monday.
I’m so tired of fake smiles and laughs, of pretending to be interested in something I don’t give a shit about, of being around constant judgement, of sitting through classes when I’d rather be asleep, of having conversations with people I wont ever give a second thought about, of worrying about my appearance, of shallow friends who think their...
The worst feeling in the world is wanting to talk about how you feel, but having no one to talk to.
There are people who would hear me, but they wouldn’t listen.
They would act worried, but they wouldn’t care.
I feel like I’m stuck inside my fucking head.
I literally feel like I’m trapped.
It’s driving me insane. I’m losing my fucking sanity.
This thing
It feels like a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach. It crumbles me, it makes my mouth dry. I can’t breath, can’t move. I want to cry, scream, throw things, rip my hair out, beg for help, fall to the floor, let the tears come, let it all out until there is nothing left inside of me but emptiness. Maybe then I wont be able to feel things. My feelings will disappear. I will not cry...
